Telling your kid that it is beautiful

If you ask people online if parents should tell their kids that they are beautiful independently of their actual looks, the answer is universally: yes.

Why even focus on the looks of your children? Because they can tell that something is off when you do not make a comment about it at all. When they reach a certain age, looks will definitely play a role in their self-worth or how they think they are perceived by others. Even if you do not focus on appearance at all, the reality will catch up. Kids are getting bullied because of facial features or an unusual look. They get rejected as teenagers and will blame something for that or at least consider that their looks mattered here.

Focusing too much on the appearances can convey the message that looks do in fact matter, even to you. You are also praising something that is not really worthy of praise. There is no accomplishment, the child did nothing to earn that praise.

Saying "you are beautiful" does not strictly mean that they are beautiful on the outside though. It can also mean that they are beautiful on the inside and have inherent worth beyond their physical appearance. Sending this message the correct way is important.

As much as I want to live in a world where you should not have to tell your kids that they are beautiful and therefore planting a seed that looks do matter, actually abiding by that rule is difficult and could do even more harm.